Frazzled Divorced Parents Still Find A Way to Listen Attentively - By: Len Stauffenger, Posted on: 2008-05-21

I know what overwhelm feels like. In the early days of my divorce, overwhelm and fear were my constant companions. I was very lucky though, that I never let these feelings get in the way of my accomplishing my biggest task to date - the raising of my daughters. They were my number one priority and I'm so glad I made them such a priority, because they are now lovely, successful, productive young women and I'm proud and happy of the job I did as their dad.

How do you accomplish this ultra important task? One of the best ways is to listen to your kids with complete attention. Oh, I know, it was hard not to be off in la-la land with the boys playing poker and smoking cigars, but when my girls wanted my attention, they were my number one priority and they got my attention. When I wanted just ten minutes to watch the news without interruption, too bad. I had them; I got a divorce; they were my priority so they got my attention.

When a soldier gets a medal like the Bronze Star, we applaud. Because you are called upon in so many brave ways as a single parents, you should get metal awards frequently. When you selflessly set aside your own desires, and you stop what you'd prefer to be doing to focus your complete attention on your child, it's medal time! I always felt privileged to provide nurturing for my daughters - and sometimes the need was enormous - because my girls were a delictible commodity. I think that parenting is a sacred trust and should be dignified with your full attention. Stay-at-home parents are the CEOs of their minds and hearts and they nurture the incubators of our fine country. They are the accomplishers of gargantuan tasks.

Well, you might not have the privilege of staying at home. You might have to be out in the work place. That doesn't mean your kids play second fiddle. Your kids come before anything you might want to do. They must come first, or the bruises of your inattention will show in society. When a plant suffers from inattention, it dies. If you can see how not being attentive can harm your kids, you can make a resolution to provide them with your undivided attention.

My Virtual Assistant told me the story of how she accomplished attention with her sons. They got her complete attention up until the time when they went to bed for the night. After that, her time became only hers and the boys weren't permitted to make any more demands unless they were sick. It took a while for the "Mommy, I want a drink of water" comments to stop because she just told them "I have given you my entire day. This is my time now." It was good for her to set these boundaries.

Children blossom just like plants that get full sun, plenty of food and water via your attention. They are worth all the effort it takes. Once your focus becomes "them," your overwhelm, stress and fear from the divorce will all disappear.

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